When is it right to leave a church?
I was asked this question recently and I have been pondering it ever since.
Obviously the person who asked was not engaging in a mere game of 20 Questions. This person was considering leaving church.
Nowadays people switch churches just as fast as they do hair dressers. Some people are loyal to their hairdressers and some are not – probably at the same rate as loyalty to their church.
This cannot bring a smile to God’s face. I’m talking about leaving a church where the person has been attending and involved for over six months, in some cases 6 years or more. They checked it out, decided that this was their church, and then they leave.
Sometimes people leave a church because it is no longer meeting their needs. Is that OK? Sometimes they leave because of a disagreement with the pastor on perhaps minor or major doctrinal issues or church values. Is that OK?
In either case I would say the process of leaving is more important than if they leave. Do they follow a process that promotes unity? Do they speak to the pastor about the issues and meet with him enough to fully understand each other’s needs and views? Do they give enough time to the process to see if a solution can be found or views are changed by God?
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:3
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10
But all things must be done properly and in an orderly manner.
1 Corinthians 14:40 NAS
So based on the above passages, the process for leaving a local church should include:
1. A serious and deliberate attempt (“make every effort”) to “keep the unity” and stick with the church seeking peace and reconciliation.
2. A process that demonstrates a concern and love for the brothers of the church, and to “honor” them. I would say this includes honoring the pastors of the church and having them be a major part of the process.
3. An orderly and methodical process. Including other spiritual leaders from outside of the local church who can help in the process and would aid in either validating the reasons for leaving or help us in our immaturity. In GCLA, we have national leaders who can help in these situations.
Getting up and simply leaving one day while telling people here and there that we left is not a biblical process. It is a cop-out that attempts to hide our selfish and fleshly motives behind the banner of “Freedom in Christ”.
This is what true biblical freedom looks like:
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.
Galatians 5:13-14
The fact is that most people who leave a church where they have belonged and served for years leave because of conflict. Conflict with the pastor, other leaders, or other believers in the church. In which case, simply getting up and leaving is even more wrong. Not only because they do not follow the general biblical principles listed above, but also because they do not follow very specific principles on how to deal with conflict within the church.
When a believer has been offended by another believer in the church, the human tendency is to avoid conflict while staying bitter. Left untreated the bitterness grows and festers and soon the person wants to leave the church. But God cannot bless a person’s departure under those conditions because Christ has left principles in his Word to guide offended and hurt believers.
Two passages that would be a great starting point would be Matthew 18 and Ephesians 4.
15 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector…
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Matthew 18:15-22Notice the process that the offended brother must go through:
1. Confront the offender alone.
2. If there is no resolution, take one or two others along to act as witnesses.
3. If there is no resolution, confront the person before the church (or a representative sample).
4. If there is no resolution, the leaders can instruct the church to deny fellowship to the offending believer.
All this should be done in a spirit of seeking reconciliation. Regardless of the outcome the offended believer should forgive the offender from the heart.
Ephesians 4 commands us to:
Obviously the person who asked was not engaging in a mere game of 20 Questions. This person was considering leaving church.
Nowadays people switch churches just as fast as they do hair dressers. Some people are loyal to their hairdressers and some are not – probably at the same rate as loyalty to their church.
This cannot bring a smile to God’s face. I’m talking about leaving a church where the person has been attending and involved for over six months, in some cases 6 years or more. They checked it out, decided that this was their church, and then they leave.
Sometimes people leave a church because it is no longer meeting their needs. Is that OK? Sometimes they leave because of a disagreement with the pastor on perhaps minor or major doctrinal issues or church values. Is that OK?
In either case I would say the process of leaving is more important than if they leave. Do they follow a process that promotes unity? Do they speak to the pastor about the issues and meet with him enough to fully understand each other’s needs and views? Do they give enough time to the process to see if a solution can be found or views are changed by God?
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:3
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10
But all things must be done properly and in an orderly manner.
1 Corinthians 14:40 NAS
So based on the above passages, the process for leaving a local church should include:
1. A serious and deliberate attempt (“make every effort”) to “keep the unity” and stick with the church seeking peace and reconciliation.
2. A process that demonstrates a concern and love for the brothers of the church, and to “honor” them. I would say this includes honoring the pastors of the church and having them be a major part of the process.
3. An orderly and methodical process. Including other spiritual leaders from outside of the local church who can help in the process and would aid in either validating the reasons for leaving or help us in our immaturity. In GCLA, we have national leaders who can help in these situations.
Getting up and simply leaving one day while telling people here and there that we left is not a biblical process. It is a cop-out that attempts to hide our selfish and fleshly motives behind the banner of “Freedom in Christ”.
This is what true biblical freedom looks like:
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.
Galatians 5:13-14
The fact is that most people who leave a church where they have belonged and served for years leave because of conflict. Conflict with the pastor, other leaders, or other believers in the church. In which case, simply getting up and leaving is even more wrong. Not only because they do not follow the general biblical principles listed above, but also because they do not follow very specific principles on how to deal with conflict within the church.
When a believer has been offended by another believer in the church, the human tendency is to avoid conflict while staying bitter. Left untreated the bitterness grows and festers and soon the person wants to leave the church. But God cannot bless a person’s departure under those conditions because Christ has left principles in his Word to guide offended and hurt believers.
Two passages that would be a great starting point would be Matthew 18 and Ephesians 4.
15 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector…
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Matthew 18:15-22
1. Confront the offender alone.
2. If there is no resolution, take one or two others along to act as witnesses.
3. If there is no resolution, confront the person before the church (or a representative sample).
4. If there is no resolution, the leaders can instruct the church to deny fellowship to the offending believer.
All this should be done in a spirit of seeking reconciliation. Regardless of the outcome the offended believer should forgive the offender from the heart.
Ephesians 4 commands us to:
- bear with (put up with) “one another in love” – v.2
- “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit” – v. 3
- not allow our anger to linger thereby giving the devil a foothold (beachhead) in our heart – vs. 26-27
- not to spread gossip, slander or speak about the issue with people who are not part of the problem or the solution because it could hurt people – v. 29, 31
- get rid of bitterness (unforgiving heart) and anger towards others – v. 31
- forgive each other as Christ forgave us – v. 32
All this flies in the face of a “just get up and leave” attitude that many Christians practice. The maturity and/or motives of believers can be evidenced by how quickly they leave a church because of conflict or any other reason.
Comments
Post a Comment